Son of Rejected Yoga Company Names

As promised, here are more disturbing names. . . if you haven't already, please VOTE for your favorite real name! 

On a Bender

Funky Chakra

Yogasm           Photosource

Zen Chicken (taken!)

Gent Bent (also taken, others with perverted minds)

Eyes on your own mat

Knotty bits

Yogis for dogies   

Manbearpig mats

The Dirty Yogi

Sparkle Monkey Mats

Animalistic Mystic

Bent for Beasts

Yogis do it in downward dog

The Pawin' shop

Going Down for Dogs

Assume the Position

Bending backwards for Animals

It's a stretch

and my personal fav (Thanks Doug!) Photosource

Pranayama yo Mama! 

Going to do some yoga now, I got stressed doing the 10 minutes of work it took to write this. I need to center myself. 

Peace out. 

Name That Company!

For those who have been gently reminding me to update my blog: STFU I'm busy ok? Just kidding, thanks for paying attention! My kind yet perverted friends have been helping me come up with a name for my new company. The concept is yoga mats with animal inspired designs, with a portion of the cost going to animal-based charities. Cool huh? DONT STEAL IT. Or I will hunt you down.  

Photosource

So in honor of a recent late-night sleep deprived brainstorming session, I give you: 

REJECTED YOGA COMPANY NAMES

Bow chicka bow wow

Think globally, act yogally

Lickety splits

Planet Prone

Tails from the the yoga mat

Breathin' heavy

Tied to be fit

More sacred cowbell!

Seventh inning stretch

Gnu ewe

Compromising positions

Yoganisms

Heavenly petting

Pet shop toys

and one of my personal favs: Queen Laqueefa (shout out to S! I know it was you.)

The list is loooong folks so you'll have to tune in tomorrow for Part II. In the meantime, check out the serious name candidates on the poll above and vote for your fav! 

Peace out.

If it's not Scottish it's craaaaap!

Admit it, we all miss a little meat in our lives - bacon, cheeseburgers, haggis. . . what, you don't miss your haggis? And you call yourself Scottish? Lucky for us Scots, we can now get vegetarian haggis! Try to contain your excitement. 

(photo source: http//www.thehaggis.com/haggis.html)

The uninitiated may be wondering 'WTF is haggis??'. (Pardon the picture, it was the only one I could find. No really! Ok not really I just liked it. Sue me.) No less than a Scottish delicacy my friends - sheep innards cooked with onions and oatmeal then boiled in an animal stomach. With a side of mashed turnips (neeps), what could be lovelier? Ah, the idyllic childhood memories it stirs. I'm having a fit of nostalgia.  Or possibly a seizure. 

In truth this is not terribly surprising, since there are almost twice as many vegetarians per capita in the UK compared to the US (6% vs. 3%,  using rough math). Which is amazing to me as I didn't think there were any vegetables in the UK. Unless you count turnips. 

This nouveau take on an old classic is made with beans, lentils and nuts in place of meat. Not easy to find this one if you're in the US but Amazon can get it for you as can FoodFight (yo Chad, you's cool my man!). 

It makes me wonder. What's next - vegan spotted dick? steak and kidney pie? Toad-in-the-hole? Bubble and squeak? (mmm brussels sprouts.) Actually that latter this wouldn't be hard to make - open the fridge, throw whatever raw or cooked vegetables you find into a pan and fry those bad boys to within an inch of their life. Just don't do it in suet. Can you tell I have a soft spot for traditional British fare?

Well there's nothing for it but to get a hold of the stuff and try it. (Mum, will you see if the British store near you carries it pleeeeease?) It will be lovely fodder for another posting. Stay tuned. 

Peace out. 

It was inevitable. . .

Vegan porn. Oh yes, you read correctly.  Or more specifically 'titillating tofu eaters' (tee hee, titillating!) according to Veg Porn,  a site dedicated to porn for plant-eaters. The site is run by a woman who goes only by the name of FurryGirl. 

And unfortunately, she *is* rather.  

As an aside, you may be wondering how on earth I come up with these topics. Mostly by googling 'vegan' or 'vegetarian' with other interesting words, for example vegan+naked, vegan+chocolate, vegan+****sucking dirty ***** with huge **** taking it in the *** by ******* with enormous ****. You get the idea.  

So back to our furry friend. Although FurryGirl is an honest-to-goodness confessed sex trade worker, most of the pictures on the site are sent in by average Joes (and Jills). And speaking of Jills did you know 'Jilling' was a verb? Yes, I learned something new today. (If you're still pondering that one, remember Jill's significant other was Jack.) But aside from nude and semi-nude photos there's also a nude cooking collection, oh yes, vegans cooking their favorite recipes in the buff. That just seems dangerous to me. I burn my fingers sometimes and that hurts. Never mind the endless supply of puns (". . now we whip up the icing and spread it evenly on the buns. . ")

Ahem. But getting to the point (quickly), I'm wondering as I click around the site (purely for research purposes of course): Is this porn, with a side of veganism, or porn being used to promote veganism? Because while I've said I'd take my clothes off to help animals, the latter still seems disingenuous. But in this case, the evidence seems to point to the former. For one thing, FurryGirl has been in the sex trade ('peddling online smut' according to her bio) much longer than she's been vegan. It certainly seems like she's just doing what she likes and what she's good at, and using that as a platform to promote an animal friendly lifestyle. It's not much different than this blog - I can write (pretend I can anyway, or the argument doesn't work) and I use that skill to help promote what I believe in. 

We can't always choose the talents we've been given, but we can choose to honor those gifts by furthering a cause we believe in, and making whatever impact we can. Wow, I think I just made a porn site seem noble. Who said I couldn't write? Pfftt. 

Peace out. 

(Photo source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinkmoose/252694264)

Best Animal Rights T-shirt Slogans EVER

Wear your heart on your sleeve, and your politics on your t-shirt. Or so the old saying goes. Well it's something like that anyway.  So in tribute to the animal rights/vegan/vegetarian t-shirts slogans, I present you with the 10 best: 

10. Beat your own meat

9. Tofu: the other white meat

8. Heart attacks - God's revenge for eating his animal friends

7. Animals die to keep your fat ass alive

6. This vegan only eats her man's meat

5. If you want to wear fur, stop shaving

4. Vegetarians are animals in bed

3. I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.*

2. First runner up:

1. And . . . . . our winner: 

(Image from http://www.threadless.com/submission/170537/Vegan_Zombie?streetteam=roboppy)

*Originally  a quote from A. Whitney Brown

Peace out.

Just when you thought safe sex was. . well, safe.

Think again. As I recently learned, most condoms are made with casein (a protein derived from cow's milk) and it gets worse, some are tested on animals (I'm having trouble visualizing what that would entail and I'm not sure I want to know anyway). There are some great opportunities for witticisms here and my brain is failing me. I think my chakras are out of balance. 

There are however a few companies selling vegan condoms including Glyde and Condomi (extra points to the Condomi marketing people for sneaking the term 'hammered-out' into their home page). The Glyde ones even come in multiple flavors including licorice, which ironically is not vegan in its candy form. The Condomi ones are apparently bio-degradable also. Which brings me to my next point. 

If you're a die-hard (no pun intended) environmentalist, you wouldn't use condoms anyway as they are made from non-sustainable resources, are disposable, and non-biodegradable. The trifecta of eco-conscious no-no's.  I suppose we will start seeing a surge in the population of environmentalists? Meh, not necessarily a bad thing. 

Luckily (or unluckily depending on your perspective) I care about the environment but not so much that I would abstain (pun alert! pun alert!) from using condoms at all. Now to make some important decisions. . . vanilla or strawberry flavor? 

Feminists: keep your panties on!

Today's blog practically wrote itself when I stumbled across this article about feminists in Portland, Oregon protesting the opening of a vegan strip club.  My first reaction to seeing 'vegan' and 'strip club' in the same sentence was 'Yeah baby, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!' If that gets me kicked out of the feminist club, so be it. I can go back to saying 'snowman' instead of 'snowperson'. Because that was helping so much. 

The club, opened by Johnny Diablo, serves veggie burgers and boasts vegan and vegetarian dancers wearing pleather instead of leather (Pleather. I love saying that word. Pleather.) 

The feminists claim it's wrong to be promoting animal rights at the expense of exploiting women. Listen dears, enjoying the nude female form (in a safe and consensual way, mind you) is not exploitation any more than a piece of art is exploited when one looks at it.  

I'm with the animals on this one. Getting 'history' changed to 'herstory' is hardly as important as stopping the needless suffering of millions of animals. Why don't they protest a non-vegan strip club if they're so worried about the exploitation of women, you ask? 'Cuz the fact is, they're simply taking advantage of the media blitz about the club to get a little of their own attention. Can you say. . exploitation?

So ladies, keep your panties on and let the people enjoy their Boca burgers and boobies.

Hey, if taking my clothes off can help animals (see yesterday's blog), then sign me up. A little exploitation is a small price to pay. And I'll put my money where my mouth is on this one: pledge to go vegan, and I'll send ya' a naughty picture of me. ;-)

Go sexy vegans!!!

(photo source: http://www.myspace.com/casadiablo)

Nudity (and a little cuchi-cuchi) for the masses!

I recently penned a nasty-gram to PETA Europe about their decision to make the 'Running of the Nudes' event in Pamplona, Spain an exclusive event. They are discouraging tourists and participants from attending and instead having a clique of scantily clad models touring Europe to campaign against the traditional Running of the Bulls event. 

Heh? 

This is a great example of where the animal rights movement does itself no favors. The whole point, you idiots, is to get people interested in the nekkid people instead of the bulls! The tourists still have an excuse to get drunk, the tourist industry is kept whole and most importantly, the bulls are safe. It's win-win-win! Well it WAS anyway. Sigh. 

But even better, they discourage the average person to come and bare their souls (and boobies) for their cause, and instead have an exclusive team of European models. Sure, while we're screwing things up, let's contribute to the fashion industry's unrealistic standards of beauty! Brilliant. 

This calls for a nude counter-protest! Or a witty t-shirt. I could go either way. 

In obtusely related news, the Latin singer Charo has released a dance version of a traditional Spanish song as a protest to bullfighting. Because a little 'cuchi-cuchi!' lends credibility to any serious cause, does it not? Would 'get off my team' be a little harsh here? Hey I have an idea, how about Charo running naked through the streets of Spain for the bulls? Brilliant. 

For some practical ways to support this issue, check the HSUS website. Peace out. 

Adventures in BaconSalt-ing

Missing something in your life? How 'bout a little bacon? 

According to the BaconSalt website, everything should taste like bacon. Really? EVERYTHING? Well it is vegetarian AND kosher after all. So I did what any good vegetarian would do. I declared it BACON DAY. All bacon, all the time. 

The plan for breakfast was to try it with some tofu scramble (side bar: much chatter 'round the blogsphere about Fantastic Foods discounting this product but I found it alive and well on their website). But I digress; back to the bacon. No tofu scramble at the store so I had to rack my brain for other ideas (bacon 'n yogurt?, bacon 'n bran flakes?) when I had an epiphany: Hash brown patties. Frozen, potato-y goodness, like tater tots but less tot, more grease and (drum roll) completely vegan by accident (hmmm that gives me an idea for another piece. . ). 

So here's how our bacon-flavored friend fared:

Hash browns with BaconSalt: Delish!
Corn with BaconSalt: Num Num Num
Tofu pot-pie with BaconSalt: Bacon-y goodness

What I like best about this product is it's a nice break from the usual 'holier-than-thou' attitude of some vegan/natural food products. Really, how many products flaunt their vegan-ness then mention how good their product tastes on a nice juicy steak?  

Yep, time to pull these here babies out of storage: 

(Photo source: http://www.baconshirts.com/products/iheartbacon-panty)

Shout out to Justin from BaconSalt and Warren from Baconshirts for the pics! 

The smurfs got into the ice cream again

Blue ice cream. Really? I saw this in the grocery store last night and just like a car accident, as disturbing as it was I couldn't look away. 

A little searching on the internets for 'blue moon ice cream' revealed a Wiki article (of course) which did nothing to clear up the mystery, describing the flavor as 'smurf blue' or 'marshmallow' sweet (uhh last I checked marshmallows were white. just sayin'.)

This really bears no relation to the general topic of this blog, except perhaps to be grateful there's no non-dairy version. I may have been tempted to buy it out of sheer demented curiosity. 

Now, back to more important things, like my BaconSalt research. 

A little tease. . . .

Pleather. BaconSalt. Vegan floggers. The search for vegan caramel Frappucchinos. Vegan 'cheese' (shivers of horror). BaconSalt. Whipped 'cream'. Whipped cream AND floggers.  Hmmm.  Did I mention BaconSalt? Fake fur. Fake furry handcuffs. Fake boobs. Constructing vegan marshmallow fluff. Nutella: vegan? Greasy breakfast joints. Worried about what 'extras' might be in your food when you special order? You know you are. 

CUPCAKES! 'nuff said. 

See, no topic is too tough (or strange) to be covered. Send any other ideas my way. Be careful what you dare me to do, I will probably take you up on it. 

(Photo source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kimberlyfaye/2719690188)

Welcome to BEAST!

Because you can't be good ALL the time. Unleash your inner beast. Respect all living beasts! 

Exploring the naughty side of the vegan and vegetarian lifestyle. Product reviews, ratings, experiments, and general ranting. 

Stay tuned for more. . . . . .

Muahahahahaha!